


There's a stone in my stomach

by fromunderthegaytree



Category: Bully (Video Games)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Essays, He just wants friends, Loneliness, poor pete
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 18:04:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9504095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromunderthegaytree/pseuds/fromunderthegaytree
Summary: Pete Kowalski hates writing essays. When his teacher tells him to write about love. He writes about his mom. Afraid of being called a 'Mama's Boy' he gets anxious, it only gets worse from here, folks.





	

He couldn't help it, for that he hated himself for. He knew he shouldn't be so nervous when a teacher announced an oral presentation. Pete Kowalski couldn't stop the anxiety.   
He was in English class, Galloway was moody but sober. He cleared his throat, students looking up from their assignment. 

"Students, quiet down." The teacher gripped the edge of his desk and stared at them. They ignored his comment as the preps were having an important conversation about Aquaberry. The nerds discussing plans for their next Gremlins and Grotto game. Greasers were either talking about 'Elvis, King of Rock' or Lola, no in between. The jocks were practically shouting about practice and complaining about the mascot. 

Pete felt alienating to everyone. He didn't really fit in except for the nerds but they saw him as an outcast.   
The teacher was trembling as he gathered all his strength. He was close to quitting and pulling out the spare bottle of Captain Morgan from the drawer. He didn't. 

"Class, quiet!!" He shouted, eyes wide and his hand slamming on the desk. Everyone shut up and stared at him. He took chest heaving breaths, blinking.  
He was about to start his sentence angrily but paused and slowed down.  
"Now that I've gained your attention, I would like to explain a project." 

Most people groaned. He pretended he didn't hear them and continued.   
"I would like you to write an essay about what love means.."   
He looked at the ceiling, thinking about Ms. Phillips. The one woman who could make him feel so overjoyed.

This didn't excite people. Johnny Vincent obviously was ready to write a snarky essay about loyalty and love. Pete thought about what it was.   
He could always explain that love is only hormones and chemicals in your brain. It would be shorter and easier to explain. Instead, he wanted to gush his heart out. 

Something inside him made him raise his hand. He didn't even realize he was doing it until some kids snickered  
"Yes, Kowalski?" He turned his attention to him.  
His stomach turned as his eyes speedily made their way around. Kids watched him with somewhat interest and that made him scared. 

"What-what.." His voice cracked as some kids laughed. He heard some jock whispering about Pete finally hitting puberty. His cheeks burnt with embarrassment.  
"What kind of love does it have to be?" He stumbled over his words, relieved to be able to spit the words out.   
Finally.

"Well, could be about anyone, your parents, friend.. General love." He concluded with a nod.  
Pete nodded, now who to write about?

The bell rung shrilly as kids eagerly got out of their seats. Forgetting everything about the lesson.  
He made his way back to the dorm, hoping not to get shoved.  
Unfortunately, some kids did push him down the stairs as a joke.  
Fortunately, he grabbed the side rail before falling down completely.

The winter sky was enveloped with thick snowy clouds. It was quite the snowy one.   
He walked inside the dorm, the usual noise of swearing and fighting came back.

He reached into his slacks. He pulled out a dollar. He punched it in the Beam Cola machine before listening to the satisfying clunk of the can falling.  
He picked it up before heading to his room.

He stared at his somewhat clean room. If there was something he loved, it was being alone when the world was against him.  
He could write about that.   
He rolled his eyes at his own silly thought before he looked out the window.

He spotted his faint reflection of the window. A tired kid who wanted to sleep, instead of worry about some shitty little essay.  
He sat at his writing desk, pulling out lined paper. 

The graphite hovered above the margin.   
"Dammit.." He let his head fall on the desk, immediately rubbing the hit spot after. He barely had any friends. There was Jimmy, the guy who did stick by him but always ran off without him.  
He felt ignored by that kid, he still called him his best friend though. 

Gary? He then laughed at that. He didn't know when Gary being nice was a play or if he meant it. He was like a damn puzzle. He also hadn't been around lately, cooped up in the observatory. 

He opened the can of pop and took a sip. The carbonation burnt at his scratchy throat.   
"Just get it done." He reassured himself and shrugged.  
It's not like anyone but Galloway would read it. He decided to write about how he loved his mom.

He got to work, trying to imagine the good sides of his mother. He finished it, hand aching. He checked the alarm clock, 8 PM.  
He smiled, satisfied at his work.  
He read it over one more time.

The way love is. There isn't a black and white answer. It's grey and everywhere. Love could be your brain and chemicals but to me love is wonderful. It's interdependence between two individuals. For example, my mom and I. She was always there for me, when I scraped my knee and broke a vase. When my father got in a fight with her, I was there to comfort her afterwards. Trust and compassion are wonderful, that's what my mom has. 

There was more but he decided to ask somebody's opinion on it. He could imagine Gary..  
'Hey mama's boy, you also wear your mom's bra?' He scoffed to himself and groaned. This wasn't as easy as he thought it would be.

He went to the common room, people already hogging the television and watching a kid's cartoon. The school only allowed age appropriate programs. Although, once the nerds were able to bypass the settings and put on Die Hard.

He heard the door open and familiar stomping.  
"Jimmy!" He called over and jogged to him. He looked at Kowalski as if he grew another arm.  
"Yeah, what is it?" He crossed his arms.   
He wore a jacket instead of the school's uniform.

"Oh, in English.." He began before Jimmy sighed in annoyance.   
"I'm not helping you with homework, besides.. You're a straight A student."   
Pete didn't argue because he was.  
"C'mon, it's about an essay." He started again but Jimmy laughed through his teeth.

"It's about love." He started to sound really loserish now. Jimmy stopped and laughed, shaking his head.   
"Mr Galloway really likes her, huh?" Pete nodded but straightened the stack paper in his hands.

Jimmy took it and read it over without any genuine interest.  
"What do you think?" He asked as Jimmy shrugged.  
"It's fine, I mean, a few run-on sentences." Pete nodded before shook his head.  
"I mean, about the subject.."  
Jimmy rolled his eyes and snorted.   
"Little lame but nobody but the teacher's gonna read it, no worries."

Pete felt disappointed at Jimmy calling it lame since he looked up to him so much. He put in his English binder before he changed and crawled into bed.  
"Get ahold of yourself." He whispered to himself as he stared at the ceiling. 

He slept a bit that last night. He had English after Biology. He woke up and listened to kids running out, chattering.   
Did he really want to get out of bed? He didn't have a choice so he pushed himself out. 

His legs felt cold and wished he could've stayed in bed. He got dressed in his usual wrinkled pink button up, pulling on the vest over it. He didn't feel hungry so decided to head to Biology first thing.

The class was boring, it smelt awful.   
He stared at the mutilated frog corpse before him. He was paired up with Gord, complaining.  
"Dear me!" He almost yelled as he approached the lab table.   
"Is it dead?" Gord asked, eyeing the frog.

How did he not realize that the kidneys, intestines and heart had been laying on a surgical tray right in front of them. Pete looked at him, giving him a look.  
"Oh, so it is? That's good, that would've been horrible." He sighed quietly and laid his chin on his palm.

"So, Kowalski.. English essay, who did you write about?" He asked curiously. The questions almost made Pete drop the tweezers into the frog.   
"English essay?" His voice squeaked, frowning at the prep.  
"Yes, who was it about?" 

Pete thought, he needed to avoid saying it was about his mom. Then he'd be an even bigger nerd! He remembered the objective was to write what love meant not about someone.   
"I wrote about how love isn't real." Pete lied with a chuckle.

He didn't realize how bad that statement was until Gord stared at him.  
"Love isn't real?" He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. Pete thought: 'Jesus, he was acting like I said I murdered his family.'  
"I don't know, I haven't actually dated anyone." Pete began but wanted to hit himself.

Great, first, he tells him he doesn't believe in love and then that he's a stupid loner.  
"Don't worry, it gets better, I wish father let me date outside the family.." Now Gord was busy discussing his inbred relationships. He lost him, what a bullet he dodged.

The bell rang. It usually would've made Pete happy. Freedom! However, that meant his English class was an hour away.  
He thought about Edna's lunches, gross and awful. They were creations out of a David Lynch film! But he skipped breakfast and was starving.

He headed to the cafeteria, avoiding any bullies wanting some money. Lady Luck was maybe rooting for him today, since he wasn't chased by some bully.

He was eating some pizza. He then noticed that it was a microwave pizza, normal!  
He thanked every god and sat down. He was sitting with Algie, Fatty and Cornelius.   
Pete didn't speak much but ate, trying to ignore the constant worrying in his brain.

After lunch, the bell rang and he made his way to English. He sat at his desk, Galloway was talking about 'The Great Gatsby'. Did he forget about it? It was ten minutes in and he hadn't muttered a word about it.   
It was like Pete won the cosmic lottery. 

"Sir! What about the essays?" Cornelius asked. Pete would've hit him if it wasn't for the fact that he was one of his 'friends'. 'Friends' as in the only one who tolerates him.  
"Oh yes, hand them up." 

Pete sighed and pulled the papers out before he followed the students.   
He nodded.   
"Great, now I'll choose you by random to present it in front of class."  
They groaned, annoyed but this destroyed Pete.  
He couldn't do this.

The pizza he ate awhile ago was starting to make its sequel. Please, no..  
He thought about all the potential reactions.   
They could be indifferent, laugh or humiliate him! 

He began to breathe sharp breaths, long drags.  
After a few, he feels dizzy and light headed. He hasn't felt this nauseous in forever. His hands shook, he put them in front of him to see.

Kirby, turned around and gave him a look. He tried breathing calmly but it doesn't work. He knows he'll vomit on his desk.  
He wanted to cry and beg his teacher not to pick him.  
His teacher looked through the stack of essays. 

"Kowalski, how about you?" He smiled lightly. Pete knew that if he flipped out and refused to, he'd be seen as the weirdo.   
Do the presentation. He couldn't, he felt glued to his seat. All the colour in his face was gone.

He remembered Jimmy calling it lame. If his friend thought it was lame what would the other kids think? It felt like there a stone in his stomach, it hurt. It also felt like his heart was going 60 kilometres per hour.   
No, no, no, what did he do to deserve this?

Then, he couldn't breathe, his breaths felt like they were going through a broken straw.  
He got up, amazed at how he could still stand. His legs felt weak, they would sink like the Titanic.  
Get a move on.

The kids stared at him, all of their eyes focused on his being. The nerdy lonely kid. They would howl with laughter if he began talking about his mom.   
He wasn't even sure his tongue would move and speak. It felt swollen and too big for his mouth.

He got in front of the class, breathing sharply in. He should've said goodbye.  
Goodbye class, goodbye dignity, adieu lunch..  
He was going to vomit, he held his breath. 

"Kowalski, are you okay?" Galloway asked but it sounded distant.   
Everyone in front of him blurred, that's when he realized he was going to cry.   
He didn't realize he was holding his breath until his legs collapsed under him. 

He fell down, his eyes closed and the world went dark. 

When he opened his eyes, he felt confused. Who wouldn't? He was in the nurses' office. He laid on the stiff bed, he propped himself on his elbows.   
It was dimly lit and the nurse was sitting there.   
She was reading a chick lit romance novel. 

She realized he was awake, she quickly shut the book. He didn't feel like speaking, he was going to cry.   
He fainted in front of everyone, what happened? 

"You had a severe anxiety attack." She spoke briefly, no emotion or sympathy.   
He knew what she meant, his body was overdriven with stress and it shut down.

"What happened after I fainted?" He asked, checking the tiny clock on the wall. It was dinner time, he had been asleep for at least a few hours.  
"Well, Mr Galloway and some jocks carried you here."  
He felt slightly uncomfortable, knowing that some 'roid monkeys held him. They had the chance to dump him in the trash or drop him.

"Anyone here for me?" He expected her to say that some kids checked on him, concerned.   
She shook her head and returned to her novel.   
"Not a soul, but there is a kid outside."   
Pete sat up, was it Jimmy?

"Let him in?" He asked, before she opened the door. Gary Smith walked in and Pete could've sworn that his life has become a sitcom.

"What are you doing here?" His tired voice turned hostile. Gary smiled and shrugged.   
"I told you, nothing escapes my notice." Gary took a minute before realizing that people spoke about his fall. Now people really would remember him!

"Why are you here?" He crossed his arms, glancing at the nurse who pretended not to be interested in their conversation.  
"I hear that Petey, overall major nerd has a spaz attack and faints like a girl, I'm obviously interested." He ran his finger on the doorframe, collecting dust.

"So you're here to laugh at me?" Pete hated how whiny his voice sounded. Gary shook his head.   
"I was in town, I told Jimmy while he was busy doing errands, he seemed more interested in finishing the errand and getting paid instead of visiting you."  
Pete didn't cry but he wanted to. His only friend didn't even come visit him? What did he have to do for attention? Kill himself?

His disappointment was evident. The nurse got a phone call and left the room.   
"Why are you really here?" Pete asked. The person who bothered him the most, why?  
Gary avoided his question, glaring at him.  
"C'mon, you'd humiliate me if you had the chance, tell me." Pete sat up, glaring back.

"Okay, it's just.. I know what anxiety attacks feel like and I just, I was concerned for your wimpy ass!" In Gary's words, it meant 'I don't hate you completely.' This didn't anger Pete but reassured him in a bittersweet way.  
"Thanks Gary."

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, please tell me if I should write more Bully related things, thanks.   
> -Joe


End file.
